Buffy Kitten Poker
“Oh, well, I uh broke up a game of kitten poker last night.” Yes, that was true. “Spike was there-” also true “-and I decided to save the kittens.” Kinda true. “But why do you have Spike’s jacket? Also: kitten poker?” This could all derail very quickly. Buffy thought fast. Saved by Natalie Crippa. Spike Buffy Buffy The Vampire Slayer Vampire Bites Buffy Summers Sci Fi Shows I Ship It Some People Say Joss.
A/N - Just a quick thing I came up with when I should have been paying attention in class. Let me know what you think because I have ideas for loads more of these.
The cardboard box he carried was swaying dangerously as its occupants moved around inside. Tiny pattering sounds and high pitched mewls issued from under the partially closed top. The racket had attracted more attention that he had expected, several people shooting him odd looks as he hurried down the street as naturally as possible. The last thing he needed was for the police to stop him and ask why he had a box full of -
'Kittens!' Spike growled as a small paw appeared from a hole in the side and tried to swat at his hand with the tiniest of claws.
Some good quotes from btvs.
Readjusting his hold so his fingers were clear of the probing paw, he glared down through the top. A dozen pairs of eyes glared right back, the meows becoming even louder.
'You lot are ungrateful. Without me helpin', you'd end up some demon's dinner.'
The kittens, predictably, did not care he had rescued them. They were far more interested in escaping their prison.
He sighed, a long suffering noise that escaped from flared nostrils. 'D'you know how much cheatin' I had to do to save you all? Demons play kitten poker specifically to eat you. A little gratitude would be nice.'
William the Bloody was many things but an animal abuser was not one. Ever since his first kitten poker game, he had used his dubious skillset to win as many kittens as possible with the intention of saving them. Of course, none of the demons he played with had any idea. He still had an image to maintain after all.
Eating animals had never sat well with him. People, sure. Humans were nasty creatures to begin with. They were capable of just as much evil as he was, sometimes even more. Animals though, they were innocent.
And not even he could pretend kittens were not simply too adorable to be food.
It was getting late. He had to hurry or the local shelter would be closed before he got a chance to drop off his winnings. The first few times he had shown up, usually a little bloody from overzealous poker mates and somewhat inebriated, the people running the shelter had been wary. Now though, it had merely become routine. No questions were asked, everyone content with the knowledge he was keeping local strays off the street.
It was his good deed for the millenium.
The shelter, just down the street from the Magic Box, was still lit, the open sign glowing from the window. He increased his pace, casting glances at the Magic Box.
This was the most dangerous part of the operation. The Scoobies were constantly having meetings, none of which he was ever invited to, and he could not imagine what would happen if they caught him skulking around with a box full of fluffy kittens.
They would assume the worst and try to stake him for it probably. No, definitely. Red had owned a cat and not even Dawn would side with him if she thought he was going to eat the poor creatures. Curse of the vampire, every action just had to be demonic.
Pausing outside the shelter, he made sure no one was on the street before repositioning the box on his hip and shouldering the door open. One of those ungodly bells rang, echoing in the small space.
A woman, bespeckled with grey hair pulled taut in a ponytail, looked up from the magazine she was reading.
'Oh William! Back again so soon?' she asked as he set the box on the counter.
'I just happened on them earlier.' he said, watching as she pulled out one of the kittens for inspection.
It was a skinny little thing, too large ears sticking out from its head like bat wings. As the woman rubbed its back, a faint purr rumbled from it, the entire black body shaking.
'Well they look like they're in good health.' she commented. 'Not that I expect anything less. You have quite a knack for this.'
He wondered how she would react if he told her the only reason they were kept so healthy was because then they were worth more on the poker table.
'They find me.' he shrugged.
'You're being modest. One day I'm going to force you to tell me how you find so many strays.' she smiled warmly.
He chuckled, imagining her kneeling over in horror as he told her the truth. 'Well, I best be goin' then. Lots to do.'
'Take care.' she picked up the box and disappeared into a back room.
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He exited the shelter and dug into his pocket for a cigarette. Lighting it defty, he stuck it between his lips and made his way towards the Magic Box. Light was peeking through the closed blinds meaning something was afoot. A little mayhem seemed good right about now, something to reset the cosmic scale. He had done good, time to let the Big Bad out a bit.
Flinging open the door, he sauntered in. Immediately, Buffy, Giles, and Xander scowled with varying degrees of irritation. The others essentially ignored him, accustomed to his displays. Dawn alone offered him a smile, gesturing to the empty chair besides her.
'What are you doing here?' Buffy asked, arms crossed as she eyed him darkly.
The defiant look was a bit lost on him, mostly because his chip almost ensured his survival. She would not dare to kill something as 'defenseless' as he. Taking Dawn's offer, he sat down backwards in one of the chairs and looked around the opened books scattered around the table.
'I was jus' takin' some kittens to the shelter and saw the lights on. Thought I'd drop by and offer my help.' Someone had left a box of donuts out and he snagged one deftly, taking an unnecessarily large bite.
'You, saving kittens?' Xander rolled his eyes.
Buffy Kitten Poker Rules
Spike smirked to himself, swiping his tongue across his lips to remove any icing. 'What? Coulda done it.'
'You're a vampire.' Buffy said as if he were stupid. 'And evil.'
He held up his hands mockingly. 'Alright you caught me. I was lookin' for this vampire bint. She's bloody annoyin' but has the biggest rack I've ever seen in my unlife-'
A chorus of groans greeted his words and everyone went back to trying to pretend he was not there. Not altogether bothered by the reaction, he grabbed another donut and contentedly watched the others labor through another game of find the demon.
Buffy Kitten Poker Party
Maybe tomorrow he would stop by Willy's and inquire about the next game. Clem had mentioned finding a litter of ginger kitten a few days ago and he had a soft spot for the tiny tigers...